The next Friday I picked up the second pair of guinea pigs. I was partially right, they weren’t as cute as Fluff & Muff. Anyway, our household returned to a level of normalcy much as it had been before the passing of Fluff & Muff. I estimate that we went through 4 cage cleanings when my wife reported that one of the guinea pigs looked a little motley. I observed that what had once been a soft flowing coat of fur was now the texture of a rag mop. This guinea pig was also quickly learning to lay on his side—a trick that seemed all too easy for any guinea pig under our roof to learn. We called the pet store and consulted the manual, the proprietor of the pet store said to quickly isolate the well guinea pig. Puff croaked the next day. Bobby was visibly upset, so was his sister Marti and his mother Kathy. Scruff survived, however, so unless we put this one out for stud there would be no baby guinea pigs, i.e. our original reason for having the animals in the first place was no longer valid.
One morning shortly thereafter we observed Scruff who had learned a new trick—laying on his back with all four feet pointing at the ceiling. This was done by holding very rigid and not breathing. Obviously for some unexplained reason we had just lost Scruff. We noticed that his teeth were broken. We consulted with the pet store and were told that, first of all, many of the guinea pigs were dying because of guinea pig blight or something like that, but that the final fatality was due to the fact that Scruff had starved because he had broken his teeth on the cage. I did feel that we should have been told about the “blight” thing or whatever it was that was causing all of these little animals to assume room temperature prematurely.
Kathy and I evaluated the situation. Our original intentions we felt were innocent enough, but the simple fact was that instead of teaching the children about the reproduction of guinea pigs, they learned about the causes of death in guinea pigs. In retrospect I don’t think any of our guinea pigs lived long enough to be amorous with each other. They must have been preoccupied with simply surviving. It was a case of being together through sickness and health. Unfortunately, these pairs were dealing with the sickness part rather than the health part.
When we decided that to continue getting guinea pigs might cause them to be placed on the endangered species list, we felt we could find another way to teach the children about the birds and the bees.
My only remaining problem was the disposition of all the guinea pig properties. You might find them listed in the classified ads in a later issue. You may have better luck than we did.
