I am going back to the 1970’s for this one. I wrote it when the kids were still pretty young and I want to share it with you now.
With a growing family we are always looking for real life examples of the reproductive cycle. After all just because our generation was supposed to learn about the birds and the bees by osmosis is no reason to continue this archaic process.
Let me take you back to the Spring of 1974. Pollen in the air, the scent of wild flowers, the warm days…what a grand time of the year… I thought. Our household population included 2 adults, 3 children, a dog and a bird. All things considered, I felt we had maintained a fairly tight control over the introduction of more animals to the household. Don’t misunderstand me—I like animals (all kinds) but I am also aware of the many problems and complications that go along with boarding same.
As I entered the house the children were bubbling over with excitement about what mommy had brought home today. I was ushered promptly to the bedroom where to my surprise I found a pair of cute little fluffy guinea pigs and I might add all the accoutrements that are necessary and even some things that are not necessary to sustain these chubby little animals.
I ask the obvious question “Why?” My wife Kathy immediately replied, “They are mammals and the children will learn about the reproductive cycle by watching the pair have babies.” I reminded Kathy, who is petrified of mice and shudders at the mere mention of the word rat that Fluff & Muff were close kin to those other rodents. This revelation although a little disquieting to Kathy was quickly brushed over along with all my other objections. My final objection was the cost. Kathy quickly replied that “They were on Sale!” After all cost should not be a serious consideration when spending the money on our children’s education. I couldn’t really argue the point.
A few days later I vented one of my strongest objections—that of the smell and the old “cleaning the cage chore”. This job is relegated to the nearest adult male in the house. Our son was seven at the time and couldn’t be expected to do a proper and thorough job.
Approximately one week after receipt of the guinea pigs we were awakened by Bobby. He said that one of the guinea pigs had learned to lay on his side. According to the guinea pig manual provided by the pet store, that was clearly an unnatural act so we either had a weird guinea pig or a sick one. He proved to be the latter and his mate was soon to follow and pretty soon we had no guinea pigs. Fluff and Muff had gone to that great guinea pig cage in the sky.
Fluff and Muff had captured the hearts of all of our children. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I gave in to the overwhelming pressure and elected to report this unsavory situation to the pet store and request another pair to take their place. The pet shop couldn’t have been more cooperative (which I thought was suspect) and indicated that if I would stop by the next Friday and they would give me another pair of guinea pigs. I agreed. My next ploy was to suggest to the family that no guinea pigs could ever replace Fluff and Muff. They quickly responded by saying “But Dad, we only had Fluff & Muff 2 weeks.” They had a point. Looking back on my argument it was clearly a desperation play.
