I like to think that my words were important. I would say things and expect my children to believe that what I was saying was at least valid. I thought that they should understand I was their father and that because of that I was the Lord and Master of the Hunsinger House. Now clearly there was no room for interpretation when I finally lost it and threatened them. Those were times that tested the pecking order. Who was in charge and so on. I am sure that Kathy’s words carried more weight than mine. I am not going to abdicate the thrown just because some sniveling kid got their feelings hurt. Anyway there were a few things that I said that should have been respected even if they pushed the limits of logic. I can remember on many occasions that food was left on their plates, food that had been prepared by their mother, and they should show some respect to her and eat the food put in front of them. Sometimes I would hear I don’t like it, I don’t want to eat it. Well I would say that’s fine you can have it for breakfast. I never made good on that threat. They would say that they wanted something else. Of course the answer to that is that we are not running a restaurant here. You will eat what is put in front of you. They would complain that if they didn’t eat that and couldn’t get some other substitute that they would starve. My pat answer for that goes like this…”Recently in Northern Ireland there were members of the IRA that went on a hunger strike. It took them 42 days to die. So if you miss one meal tonight you won’t actually starve for 42 days.” The 42 day statement which I thought was pretty good didn’t hold any water. Lets face it I wasn’t going to deprive my children of food for 42 days. I don’t think the organs start to shut down for at least 20 days. There is a lot of fudge room. The swelling tongue and enlarged stomach starts to happen before that. In reality once we left the table and put the remains of the meal in the disposal things pretty much went back to normal. I still think that they must have given some thought to real starvation.
You must be ready at all times to follow through on your threats. As hard as it may be, once you let them slide it is a very slippery slope. You’re grounded, no TV, no friends over, and forget about that sleep over, or going to the movies or the mall, you know the drill. It is very hard to enforce these edicts. I have always said that it is the easiest job in the world to be a bad parent and the hardest job in the world to be a good one. We are so vulnerable because a lot of the enforcing happens when you are dog tired, every muscle hurts, you can barely keep your eyes open. You muster every bit of strength you have left and say no. Because it is the right call. You are not being mean. You are doing the right thing, for the right reasons and they need to understand and respect you for it. Are you actually buying any of this. Unfortunately the smartest person in the room is your 16 year old. Just ask him or her. They have what seems to be unlimited energy to prevail in the argument. “ Ok …just this once”. Famous last words. Maybe they will remember that you gave in and that will get you some points for next time. (Not a Chance) You gave in, you’re weak, you can be had…there will be a next time and that one may also end in “Just this once”. Like I said it is much easier to be a bad parent. Trust me. You have to be willing to extinguish any hope of winning for your 16 year old. Sad but true it comes down to winning and losing. Hopefully you will be above .500 on winning. (a sports reference) Being under .500 isn’t good in sports or parenting…keep winning and improve your average. You’re not going to win the division, the conference or the league championship if you let that arrogant little 16 year old with boundless energy win. The only time they can win is when they put forward a solid argument. Our youngest son Jeff was always above .500 with Kathy and I. He would think things through and know the answers to every objection. I felt like he must have had some help with his intel. It seemed like he really made good logical arguments and we could never leave the argument and claim a win by saying ….because we said so and that’s that. An unacceptable response. There is an axiom in arguments that says keep asking why. The other side runs out of answers after about the 4th why. Then you try…”because I said so”. Sound weak…it doesn’t help your average on wins and losses. Believe me.
Ever hear the one about the kids starving in Ethiopia. So our children are pushing their dinner around their plate. Not consuming much of it. I say…”you should eat your food because there are kids starving in Ethiopia.” They don’t know where Ethiopia is and couldn’t care less if there are kids starving there. They probably could argue that most of them won’t have to wait 42 days to get their next meal anyway. I’m not so sure. But I will admit that there is a flaw in my argument. What does my children not finishing their dinner have to do with the starving kids in Ethiopia. It was desperate and is going to hurt when wins and losses are tallied up. I still think that my words meant something.
Your Name
When I was young and even today on the back pages of many magazines there are ads for t-shirts and sweatshirts. You can have words embroidered on these shirts. If you look at one of these ads it says in bold letters over each shirt….YOUR NAME….Obviously this means that you can put your name on the shirts. For years I said that what I wanted was a sweatshirt that said YOUR NAME on it. No my name the words YOUR NAME. They thought that was pretty dumb. I thought it was awesome. It would be funny to wear it around. It would be a great conversation starter and my thought was that I wanted to have a company that put the words YOUR NAME on every article of clothing. They thought it was a stupid idea. One Christmas my two daughters Marti and Nanci gave me a sweatshirt with the words YOUR NAME on it. I loved it. What a great present. Thank you Marti and Nanci for nailing it.
Dad Please Don’t Say That
Remember many breakfast menus have the following message in the egg section. “2 Eggs…the way you like them
Seems innocent enough for me. I told my children that the next time we were ordering breakfast in a restaurant that when it was my turn I would tell the waitress that I wanted my eggs…the way I like them. My daughters told me in no uncertain terms that they didn’t want me to say that. For a while every time we would go out for breakfast and the menu had those words on it regarding eggs. I would indicate that my order for eggs would be ….the way I like them. Marti and Nanci really didn’t want that to happen and because I didn’t want to embarrass them I held back and didn’t give in to what I thought was a very funny idea. Sometimes the things you don’t do are good.
