One of the most common place things to do is to bring a gift when going to a friend’s house for dinner. It is almost universally accepted as a normal gesture in these situations. Under most circumstances, we bring a bottle of wine, or maybe some flowers. It is the right thing to do. I was thinking about this gift-bringing thing and thought what could you bring that might not be appropriate? Instead of the wine or the flowers how about bringing…a six-pack of beer or maybe a pack of Red Bull. Instead of wine how about a case of beer? That would be less than the cost of a bottle of wine. Instead of a nice bottle of wine how about a box of wine, or a bottle of Mogan David, or a gallon of cheap Rose’ or Chianti. Borderline inappropriate but not earth-shaking. Once the door is opened any number of gifts could be brought that might be inappropriate…A big jar of Metamucil, some diet pills or pain pills, maybe a good laxative, Immodium, and a large bottle of Tums. A mixed CD of dinner music or ACDC or Death Metal. A bottle of really hot sauce. A package of hot dogs. A Stuffed Animal. A bottle of sanitizer, a package of Toilet Paper or a couple of cans of Air Freshener. Lingerie, a puppy or a plunger. The other area that we could explore would be inappropriate signs for the house. “No Smoking”, “Keep Your Voice Down”, “Quiet Time Starts at 10PM”, “I Forget Things When I Drink”, “It’s Funny When You Can’t Stand Up”, “I Am A Mean Drunk”, “Alcohol Makes Me The Life of the Party” and “I Am On A Twelve Step Program”, “Thank You For Not Wearing Shoes in the House”. A framed picture of yourself. Framed pictures of their children.
Aprons, monogrammed guest towels, a knife, a corkscrew, a set of wine glasses, a travel mug. A vase, a throw pillow, a picture frame, a journal, a calendar. Any Will Ferrell movie or a box of hair color.
‘The person on the receiving end will probably be speechless. It is possible that this might be the last time you are invited to their house for dinner. I guess you could say some of these were gag gifts. Maybe in another universe. I am going to heartily recommend that you keep your gift choices to simple and acceptable stuff. Flowers are mostly safe…probably better than a potted plant. People have to keep potted plants alive. The next time you come to their house you could ask about how the plant you gave them is doing. Or leave well enough alone. I don’t know about you but Kathy and I always had a hard time keeping potted plants alive. Wine is safe unless the person is a recovering alcoholic or likes white and you bring red or doesn’t like wine at all. Who wouldn’t appreciate a sign for their house? I would choose very carefully. Most of the signs at Hobby Lobby are probably OK. “There Is No Place Like Home”, “Welcome To Our Home”, “WELCOME” for the front door. Maybe a wreath for the front door. A trophy for “Best Dinner Host Ever”. Treats for their dog or Chew Toys for their dog. Maybe a bag of dog food. How about a book on why you should spay or neuter your dog?
You could also bring a game. Bring games that are simple to play like Jenga or Boggle. Stay away from really long games like Monopoly, Catan, Trivial Pursuit or Scattergories. Have you ever tried to figure out how to play Catan? Maybe Candyland, Sorry or Aggravation would be good choices. Games could be fun until you need to teach others how to play. Awkward Family Photos is fun or Apples to Apples. What a great way to mess up a dinner with friends. How about checkers, Scrabble, Backgammon, Chess or a pack of cards? You could suggest Bridge for everyone or Pinnocle or maybe Canasta. Does anyone ever play NERTZ? You would need to bring about six decks of cards for that one.
These ideas could cause some real problems for you with your relationships. No one is going to understand why you are bringing such ridiculous gifts for dinner. You could also bring a razor and razor blades, a toothbrush or toothbrushes and some toothpaste, maybe a big bottle of mouthwash, floss in several flavors. There is really no end to what you might show up with. ZZZquil, Melatonin Gummies, Keto Supplement. A new age cookbook, heavy on Keto and Kale references. I guess the only way to find out is to do it.
It occurred to me that you could bring some solar yard lights, a welcome mat, a bag of charcoal, a bottle of very hot bar b que sauce, sunscreen or a bottle of Round-Up. Maybe some Miracle-Gro for the Potted Plant that you are bringing.
So the next time you receive a dinner invitation…give some thought to what you might bring as a gift. I would expect you to either do nothing or carefully select a very appropriate and safe gift. This way you will not alienate yourself or lose any friends and will probably be invited back.
