I have been writing a lot of stuff about sales. Attributes of sales people. What makes a sales person successful. What to do each day to be successful. Honesty, integrity, commitment and so on. Setting goals. All of this is important and these are all part of the make up of successful sales people and really successful people period. This article is going to deal with what goes through your mind, how you think about and deal with the whole sales proposition. One of my most recent articles dealt with FEAR. I do believe that FEAR is probably one of the greatest motivators. I started thinking about my mind set during those times. How did I think about things and how did I deal with all of the things that go on each day. Looking back I am trying to remember how I got through all of that.
You cannot start each day with a clear slate. Your thoughts are affected by what has been going on. How your life is going. What is happening with your wife, your kids, your bills, and even your future. I don’t remember dwelling on any one thing. I do know that it was imperative to remain positive. To be confident in your ability to succeed. Where does that come from? I think it has to be the sum total of everything that has transpired. I would always reflect on my own life. I would think about the good, the bad and the ugly. I do know that there was a common thread in all of my thoughts and that was that somehow everything would work out. I had to believe that to not be paralyzed by the thought of failing. We hear that failure isn’t all bad. That somehow we are stronger when we experience failure. I guess there may be some truth in that. For me it was the fear of failure that helped me persist and succeed.
You have to start with assessing who you are and who you have been. What do you do well? Is doing that going to serve you well? Do you need to consider other things that you might learn to do well? Do you need more knowledge? Do you need to make more calls or contacts? Do you need to be more organized? One of the things that I remember is the statement about luck. It goes like this… “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” I lived by those words most of my working life. I believed that there was no substitute for hard work and I was convinced that I would absolutely succeed if I worked hard enough. Again, by working harder I would also have more success. Sell more houses, or paper or whatever I was selling. I couldn’t sit back and let things happen, I needed to be proactive in all areas of my job. Whether it was to learn more, to make more calls, to do more follow up, whatever it was I knew that I couldn’t rest on what had already happened. That wouldn’t be enough. At the same time, you have a family and family obligations. There has to be balance. I was very fortunate that I had a partner in all of this. It was my wife, Kathy. She was always there to support whatever I was doing. I know that I could never have achieved as much as I did without her. Your support system can be different than mine. It might be a friend, a relative, your church, a child, even a dog. When you put yourself out there to slay the dragons you sometimes need to reach out for that support. I believe you need to be able to get up each day, have a plan, work the plan, make the calls, make the presentations, never short cut the presentations, keep track of what you are doing, make a to do list every day and check things off and move undone things to the next day. Believe that you did everything you could, within reason, each day to be successful. I subscribed to the idea that you could never do enough. That there was always going to be things that you couldn’t accomplish that day, but that you might be able to do the next day. I was never satisfied, no matter what. I did celebrate successes, but I never really believed that I could truly relax and that there wasn’t anything else to do.
It is interesting… the final year that I worked… and that was my 30th year selling paper, was arguably one of the most successful years I had in the business. It seemed like everything I touched turned to gold. I closed some of the biggest opportunities I ever had. It was truly amazing. Maybe I was lucky, maybe I was just at the right place at the right time. Maybe I got lucky because I continued to work harder and smarter. Who knows.
Let us go back to how you think. I never believed in self-analysis. I always thought that was a waste of time. It seemed like weakness to me. After thinking about it I do believe that it is important as long as you don’t go off the deep end. Consider who you are. How you do your job. How you interact with other people. How and what you do each day to make you better at what you do. Am I being honest with myself, my family, my co-workers and my clients? Do I mean what I say? Do I have integrity? Can people count on me? Do I keep my promises? Am I passionate? Do I take time to write things down? Do I actually make lists of things I want to accomplish? Are they realistic? I believe that many days I started by simply getting up, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, shaving, getting dressed having breakfast and going to work. No real plan. I might have a list of things to do, but that could wait until I got to the office or wherever. I know that some days were empty in terms of things I accomplished and many times things would just happen and take me off on different tangents. When I would have days like that, I would try to make adjustments so that tomorrow was better and I was able to get back on track. I always felt guilty if I had empty days because I felt I owed it to my family to do the right things each day that would lead to positive things and eventually income.
Kathy and I would talk about things. Talk about our family and our goals. Talk about her day and my day. I loved to hear about her day. She had a way about her that made even simple things sound interesting. I guess you could say she was a soccer mom before that became a thing. She was always home when the kids came home from school and I know that was important for them and their development. Having a parent at home each day to deal with whatever good or bad had happened at school was essential. Kids need a sounding board for what is going on in their lives and Kathy was that sounding board. Not judgmental just willing to listen. The proof is in the pudding. We had four children. They all graduated from college. There were no drug or alcohol problems. They all became productive members of society. Three of them have become parents and their children seem to be doing well… I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (an old cliché).
She also was willing to listen to me. Remember when I said that the best scenario was to always tell the truth because that meant there was only one story. Well for me keeping it simple and always being truthful with Kathy was awesome. There was only one story and sometimes that story was ugly and sometimes escrows were falling through and sometimes I would lose listings or clients for any number of reasons but there was always tomorrow and we both believed that. I would always, and to this day, try to consider and count my blessings. For me it was my wife, my children, having a job, being healthy, enjoying life, realizing that many others have it harder than me and being thankful for what I do have. I know that one of my fears was that I might become homeless or as Matt Foley said, live in a van down by the river. I don’t believe that I ever truly felt that would happen. I know we all hear that many people are one paycheck from being homeless or destitute. Again for me fear kept that from happening. I think you need to be creative, flexible and be willing to adapt to new situations to obtain the best possible outcomes. Our family did, in fact, go through some pretty tough times, but we always came out the other side in good shape. Sometimes these truths are humiliating and hard to accept but it is important to persevere.
How do I think about things? I don’t try to worry about things that I have no control over. I focus on those things that I have the ability to change and impact. If I am not listing homes or selling enough paper then I need to give myself more opportunities to make those things happen. Life is incredible…you have to be willing to embrace all that it has to offer. I hear professional athletes saying you don’t want to get too low when things are bad or too high when things are good. I largely believe that is a good approach. I also think that there is nothing wrong with trying to capitalize on when things are good and build momentum on the good things… nothing wrong with that. There are always going to be things that are unexpected… like when I lost Kathy last December. I didn’t see that one coming. I still don’t know how to think about that. I am taking it one day at a time and trying not to be too low or too high with my day-to-day attitude. Life will throw things at you that can make things tough. You need to be able to deal with those things and come out the other side. Hold your head high and look forward to what life holds next for you.
I will opt for good thoughts every time. It is ok to allow your mind to go into dark places. You can sometimes get depressed or angry, but these kinds of feelings are for you and you alone. Find a way to project some positive thoughts. What is the alternative? You don’t want to go there. There is always therapy and I know that is an entire industry to deal with your insecurity and the problems that you have. I cannot fix how you feel, how low you can go, how sorry you can feel for yourself, be as narcissistic as you want, think it is all about me, but whether you feel the need for therapy or more exercise or yoga, or goat yoga, or meditation…know that ultimately you will need to deal with all of this on your own. I know you cannot personally solve all of these issues but I will say this. Take some time to take a walk, become an observer, go on a diet, jog (I hate myself for saying that), go to a trial at the court house, go to a local city council meeting, get involved in politics, read a good book, learn about something new, write, become a synchronized swimmer (don’t do that one). Buy something fun, go to a quilt show, go through your stuff and sell something on Next Door or someplace else, have a garage sale, go back and look at old photographs, remember the good times in your life, become a stand-up comedian, don’t take surveys, try a new restaurant, try some new exercises, watch some new TV shows, stop watching the ID channel, volunteer (I am not too big on volunteering… sorry), go to church, don’t spend too much time on your phone, take all your meds each day, have an extra cup of coffee, walk the dog, hit some golf balls, try something that you have never done before, go to an Indian Casino, go to a local farmers market or festival with a friend, go to a baseball, basketball, ice hockey or football game, learn how to keep score at a baseball game… it will make the game much more interesting, go to a local high school game, go to the beach, take a trip, take a drive to an area you haven’t been to before, visit family, text family, call family, write a letter to someone and mail it to them (who does that anymore), play golf, bowl, go to a movie, visit an art gallery, go to the library, take a class on something, learn a new language, get a library card, ride a bicycle, get a pair of roller blades and put them on and use them, go to a theme park, ride a roller coaster, visit a National Park (by the way when you turn 55 you can get a lifetime pass to all the National Parks… I think it costs about $55 and this is a lifetime pass…unbelievable) go to a concert, start jogging, stop watching commercials about new drugs and don’t ask your doctor about them, read my article on side effects, take public transportation somewhere, sit at a park and count cars that are going by and see how long it takes to get to 100 cars (this is starting to get stupid)… I don’t guarantee that any of these things will help, but they can’t hurt and they will certainly fill your day with some interesting stuff to do. You have absolute control over your thoughts and your mind set. Take over your thinking, try to have more good thoughts than bad ones. Downplay the bad thoughts, think about what interesting things you can do tomorrow or the next day. Tomorrow does come, trust me, even though I said tomorrow never comes in my article about “It’s only a matter of time.” I am trying to keep this real. For the sake of this article there will be a tomorrow and even a day after tomorrow. Let your mind wander, daydream, lay down at the park and watch the clouds, listen to the birds, or go to a park with a lake and ducks and feed the ducks. It’s your mind and it obviously can be your “Mind Set”. Think about how this is all under your control. At my age that sounds pretty good to me. Remember there aren’t really any rules, you can have whatever mind set you want. I hope that you choose to be happy and that you look forward to the greatness that is every day to come.
